He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
