Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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