Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
