Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
