??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
