My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
