You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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