I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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