Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
