Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
