I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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