Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
