we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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