areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Randomize
