How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will pee on everything he values.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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