we have officially lost it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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