I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
These tits shall not be calmed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
