She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
