Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
