do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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