Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
