i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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