Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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