Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
