very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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