Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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