So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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