I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
