There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
