I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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