he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
