He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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