Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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