then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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