He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
