our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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