its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
