And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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