It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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