my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
