i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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