shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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