So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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