I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
