yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
