Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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