there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
