Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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