if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
