just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize