Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
