i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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