I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
