Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
