I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
