I wish my penis had an off switch
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
