Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
