her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
