I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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