I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
