Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
