it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
