i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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