the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
