dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
