Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
