Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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