I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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