Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
