I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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