just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
