I accidentally burped into my bong.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you made out with another girl for some wings
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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