i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
