Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
