If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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