I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
