Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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