she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
