I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
