I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
