Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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