john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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