Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We just shotgunned beers for America
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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