break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
