Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
