what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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